“自杀后的生活”为面对不可想象的人提供了希望和建议

Part memoir, part guide, the new book by ABC Chief Medical Correspondent Jennifer Ashton, MD, sheds light on grief, stigma, and perseverance.

“Suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem” is a phrase used to convey to people that help exists, that there are support systems in place to get us through even our darkest days. The thing is, the person confronted with making that potentially permanent decision likely doesn’t feel like the problem is “temporary.” This is one glaring example of the many misunderstandings surroundingsuicideand suicidal ideation. It’s complex at best, and can’t be summed up in a sound bite made for easy sharing on social media.

It’s difficult to understand how a loved one can reach such a point of despair that help and hope feel unattainable. It’s also difficult to figure out how to pick up the pieces when you are the one left behind.

In自杀后的生活: Finding Courage, Comfort, and Community After Unthinkable Loss，，，，Jennifer Ashton, MD，在一个俱乐部中急需的聚光灯下，没人想加入，但每年都有数百万人发现自己：自杀幸存者的秘密协会。那些留下来的。人们被迫将一只脚放在另一只脚的前面，以继续前进，没有明确的答案。那些永远想知道的人：“如果？”那些戴着猩红色字母的人表示不会消失的污名。

Dr. Ashton, the chief medical correspondent for ABC News and a physician in private practice, stepped out of the shower on a Saturday morning and answered a call from her building’s doorman that would turn her family’s world upside down. Three detectives were there to speak with her. During that conversation, she learned that her ex-husband and father of their two children, Rob Ashton, Jr., MD, died by suicide early that morning. The Ashtons had finalized their divorce just 18 days prior.

自杀后的生活是回忆录,分享她的家人的细节”s journey toward healing from this unspeakable (and quite public) loss, but it also incorporates research and insights from professionals in the field and stories from other survivors of loss by suicide. By weaving together firsthand experiences and helpful advice, Ashton takes a sledgehammer to the stigma that survivors of suicide face as they grieve a traumatic loss. Wecan与我们讨论心脏病和糖尿病一样公开谈论自杀和心理健康，阿什顿赋予我们这样做。

I was 23 years old and midway through my master’s program at the University of Pennsylvania when I received the phone call that shattered my life. Like Ashton’s son, Alex, my immediate thought was that something had happened to my grandfather. He was getting older, and I worried that I didn’t have much time left with him. And just like Alex, I was brought to my knees when my inquiry about my grandfather was met with, “You have to be very strong right now, Katie. It’s not Grandpa; it’s Dad.” Dad. Just like that, I received my invitation to the secret society. If only I could have sent my regrets. Sadly, this invitation is more of a mandate.

没有书可以引导我的家人在几天，几周，几个月和几年之内。没有处方可以让我们度过难关。我们在告别，首先和重建生活中陷入困境，尽最大努力躲藏起来，并避免谈论自杀。

自杀后的生活would have made a big difference. Not only do the shared stories normalize the process of recovering from a traumatic loss, but they highlight commonalities that many survivors experience.

The Stigma That Surrounds Suicide Is Real

It took me years of practicing, “my father died by suicide,” in the mirror before I actually started sharing that tidbit out in the world. At first, we went with “sudden death.” Apparently, a lot of people do this. Later, when people asked, “was he ill?” I simply responded, “yes.” Who needs details?

直到今天，“自杀”仍然是一场震撼人心。人们在更改主题之前说了诸如“哇，不要退缩”或“哦，那太可怕”，但是我学会了继续讲话。他wasill. He was mentally ill.

作为一个社会，我们仍然不知道如何使用“自杀”和“精神疾病”一词，而无需迅速关闭谈话。自杀后的生活改变了这一点。在将这种流行病带到表面并分享幸存者的原始情感时，Ashton帮助我们重新构架了围绕心理健康的对话，以无需判断而聆听，并没有咬人。

自杀幸存者中的自我塑造和拒绝感很普遍

Ashton was crushed to learn that her daughter, Chloe, experienced feelings of self-blame following the death of her father. Hearing her daughter utter the words, “Why wasn’t I enough?” was unbearable. Unfortunately, these words ring through the minds of many survivors of loss by suicide, particularly children.

丑陋的真理depressionis that, left untreated, it clouds the vision to a point of complete and utter hopelessness. It can make people feel like there is no escape hatch; there is no proverbial light at the end of the tunnel. It wasn’t that Chloe wasn’t enough, it’s that her father wasn’t able to see that she was.

If grief is sad and overwhelming, grief in the aftermath of a suicide is downright devastating. There are unanswered questions, complicated emotions, and the difficult business ofmoving on。

很难找到真正了解损失的人。这个秘密社会的唯一好处是，我们最终设法找到了彼此。胆怯地，我们举手说：“我听到你的声音。到过那里。”当我们听到自杀的损失时，我们会伸出援手，我们说是的，当一个朋友要求我们伸出手时，将我的电话号码传递给那个完全陌生的人。我们在最初的悲伤中很孤独，但我们成为一个握住手和坚持的社区。

自杀后的生活鼓励每个人，无论幸存者是否都伸手在应对这一流行病方面发挥作用。我们再也不能负担得起窃窃私语并躲在阴影中。我们必须以大声的声音对待这个正面的声音。我们必须一起工作。

我在这里，双手高空空中，随时可以提供帮助。我希望阿什顿的话在你里面也会激发你的灵感。