Grief

How to Cope With Loss: Tips for Healthy Grieving

Markham Heid
经过 医学看过by
Reviewed:
医学看过
thoughtful woman sitting outside
当你悲伤时，心理学家说，需要时间进行内省和反思帮助。 Andrii Lutsyk/Getty Images

Psychologists have spent decades trying to determine the best ways people should cope with悲伤and loss.

Famed psychologist Sigmund Freud, for instance, published an essay in 1917 on grief and mourning that outlined “grief work.”

He described it as a period of time following a loss when a person must process or work through their thoughts, memories, and emotions in order to move on with life, according to a review published in October 2016 in the英国常规实践杂志。

说，悲伤是对损失的情绪反应，说Matthew Ratcliffe, PhD, a professor of philosophy and grief researcher at the University of York in the England. It can be the result of the loss of a loved one — such as a parent, friend, or pet — or the loss of a job or romantic relationship, he explains.

“Many people find themselves bewildered and disoriented by grief,” he says. “The whole world can seem changed by someone's death. Nothing looks quite the same anymore — everything appears lacking, strange, unfamiliar.”

一些悲伤的一些最常见的情绪症状包括悲伤，渴望，休克，麻木，否认，愤怒，内疚和无助。悲伤会导致健忘，浓度差和混乱。它还可以产生一系列身体症状，包括shortness of breath, GI discomfort, headaches, fatigue, nausea, and pain.

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“Freud gave us this idea that if we don’t fully ‘resolve’ things after a loss, then the grief is going to come roaring back,” saysGeorge Bonanno, PhD, a professor of clinical psychology at Columbia University’s Teachers College in New York City and author of the book悲伤的另一边。

随后的工作表明，弗洛伊德的理论都是对的。“悲伤工作”可能会帮助一些人应对损失，但是在悲伤方面，没有一个尺寸适合的解决方案。

Grief shows up in different ways for all of us, and coping with it can look just as diverse, Dr. Bonanno says.

Some of Bonanno’s research on grieving spouses suggests indeed we all cope with grief differently.

While plenty grapple with tremendous sadness and yearning and distress, for others these emotions are mild or even absent. Neither is a sign of any kind of problem or clinical pathology. Some people also experience grief as physical pain that shows up in their backs, heads, guts, or elsewhere.

“People often emphasize that grief is painful in a bodily way,” Dr. Ratcliffe adds. “It is through our feeling bodies, rather than just our thoughts, that we experience, comprehend, and engage with loss.”

While some people may benefit from so-called grief work, it’s not a useful strategy for everyone, agreed the authors of a 2011 paper on current trends in grief counseling, which they presented at the American Counseling Association Conference and Exposition.

Some bereaved individuals may cope with grief better by suppressing emotions or by employing methods of distraction, according to the review article. For these individuals, a traditional emphasis on “grief work” could complicate their natural grieving process rather help.

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重要的是要识别，Ratcliffe说：“悲伤的经历是高度多样化的，就像人们悲伤的情况一样。”

在被视为“正常”或“典型”中也有相当大的文化变异。Ratcliffe说，悲伤或悲伤。悲伤没有人“正确的方式”。虽然涉及如何处理爱人的丧失的情况下很少有艰难的规则，但一些应对策略可能会非常有帮助。

Strategies for Coping With Grief

正如没有一种正确的悲伤方式一样，没有一种悲伤管理的方法，可以为每个人工作。几乎每个策略都非常依赖个人和该人的独特体验。

With that in mind, there are some coping strategies that have evidence backing their benefits.

Make Time for Introspection and Reflection

After a loss, it can feel as though your whole world no longer makes sense. Some researchers have called this a “crisis of meaning,” and they’ve found that reconstructing meaning may be one way to move forward in a healthy way.

为此，您可以在生活中发挥乐于助人或重要的变化 - 感觉好像你正在成长或改善，这可以让你的损失感觉像有意义的催化剂。例如，您可以使用更多的时间和精力与您的亲人度过优质的时间。

Journaling or writing about how your lost loved one shaped your life may also help you identify and construct meaning in beneficial ways, other research has shown.

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Talk to Someone About It

“当我们的生命中发生一些重大时 - 包括亏损 - 我们倾向于想谈谈它，”Bonanno说。

Especially during the early stages of grief, he says that sharing your thoughts and feelings with others can be both clarifying and cathartic, whether you’re talking with a friend, a partner, a coworker, or a therapist.

根据Grief Counseling and Grief Therapy, a book by J. William Worden, PhD, psychologist with Harvard Medical School in Boston, talking through one’s grief can lead to “a more complete awareness that the loss actually has occurred,” which can help a person better make sense of their emotions and experiences.

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Stay Connected (in Some Way) With Whomever You’ve Lost

旧弗洛伊德模具中的心理学家经常鼓励人们在亲人死亡之后“放手”和“继续前进”。但这可能不再有用建议。

“A growing body of literature concerned with what have become known as ‘continuing bonds’ has emphasized that most of those who suffer bereavements sustain one or another kind of enduring connection with the deceased,” Ratcliffe explains. “One might let go of certain things, but one does not ordinarily let go entirely.”

In other words, holding on can in some cases be just as helpful and healthy as letting go, he says.

研究人员已经确定了四种常见的方法，让人们与失去的亲人保持债券。

These include:
  • 感知死者的存在，或感觉好像你失去的亲人在你附近或你身边。虽然这可能会像奇怪一样袭击一些，但它似乎是一个共同的经历，也是一个有帮助的体验。
  • Talking to the dead, either out loud or in your head.
  • 使用死者作为一种道德指导。例如，您可能想象您丢失的那个如何处理您所面临的特定情况或困境。
  • 与其他了解死者或家庭成员的其他人交谈，以了解更多关于您丢失的人。

值得注意的是，在这些方面保持联系与不接受你所爱的人已经消失了。Ratcliffe说，“无法接受发生的事情”可能是悲伤的迹象，即对疾病的境界边缘。

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When to Seek Professional Help for Coping With Grief

While there is no right or wrong way to grieve, experts say there are situations when people may benefit from some professional guidance.

“I don’t really think of grief as having a pathological form, rather we now have a diagnosis called prolonged grief disorder,” saysM. Katherine Shear, MD, the Marion E. Kenworthy Professor of Psychiatry at Columbia University in New York City.

She says that this disorder is characterized by a persistent yearning preoccupation with the person who died, along with a range of other symptoms of intense grief that interferes with someone’s life for at least six months or longer than might be considered typical for the individual’s social, cultural, or religious background.

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对于满足这些长期悲伤障碍的这些标准的人（也称为“complicated grief”), Shear has developed an evidence-backed form of therapy.

“它包括接受悲伤，管理情绪，设想积极的未来，加强关系，叙述死亡的故事，与提醒的故事，与回忆联系起来，”她解释道。“该治疗在16岁的每周会议的过程中进行了训练有素的治疗师。

“Professional counseling should provide support and guidance to help the person adapt to the loss and move forward in their own life,” she adds.

If what you’re experiencing sounds like the disordered grief symptoms that Shear described above, consider talking to a primary care physician or licensed therapist.

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