Self-Care, According to an LGBTQ+ Advocate | Everyday Health

Candace Bond-Theriault, based in northern Virginia, says she has many titles: Black queer feminist writer, lawyer, social justice advocate, wife, and most recently, mom to a newborn.

对于计划生育联合会的政策，研究和战略副主任的日常工作，邦德·史蒂尔特（Bond-Theriault）与她的团队合作，使用联邦政策和研究来提高计划生育的优先事项，从而支持生殖健康权利和LGBTQ+权利。

Before working at Planned Parenthood, she was the senior policy counsel for reproductive health, rights, and justice, as well as the democracy project director at the National LGBTQ Task Force.

Bond-Theriault说，由于这些领域的代表性不佳，她致力于生殖正义和LGBTQ权利。

“作为一个黑色的酷儿，代表对我来说真的很重要。她说：“而且在联邦一级从事生殖政策的黑人酷儿人没有足够的工作。”

Bond-Theriault说她在早期学会that representation matters. And that’s because seeing examples of people like you succeeding and achieving things helps you succeed, too.

Bond-Theriault attended a predominately white religious private school. “I needed to build relationships with other people of color in similar situations as myself, both to help me not feel so isolated, but also to ensure that others didn't ever have to feel isolated and the many negative emotions that come with being the one Black or brown person in a classroom, extracurricular activity, or social setting,” she says.

When she was in seventh grade, Bond-Theriault’s family joined an organization in her neighborhood focused on community building and providing support for Black families. “It was a life-changing experience because it also opened my eyes to Black excellence and achievement which was never something that I saw in my other academic and social settings,” she explains. “[It] taught me that being young, gifted, and Black is actually the norm and something to celebrate.”

Bond-Theriault says that while her work today focuses on helping others, personal experiences from her past remind her that building community with people like her who may feel isolated helps lifts her up, too. “It always supports me as well,” she says.

But work is still work. And it can get in the way of personal needs, even when your work is your passion, Bond-Theriault says. Here’s how she says she prioritizesself-care, while showing up in big ways for others.

Everyday Health: Your work is all about promoting the well-being of others. How do you promote the well-being of yourself at the same time?

CBT:I learned pretty early on in my career that taking care of myself was going to be important. I was in law school and I was working too hard, studying way too much. Something had to give.

I started to see a therapist weekly and it was great. I learned the importance of taking care of myself, and I made small changes.

For the last six years, I’ve been going to an amazing therapist, and I have seen her pretty much every week.

EH：哪些类型的变化？除了花时间定期去看治疗师外，自我护理对您来说是什么样的？

CBT:Now as a mom of a newborn, self-care really is basic. It looks like sleeping, showering, and letting my body heal because I just went through childbirth.

I’m always thinking about what can I do for self-care, but also what can I do for healing and what do I need for healing. Healing is the goal of self-care for me.

EH: Why is self-care about healing for you?

CBT:I've experienced traumatic situations in my life and in my relationships that require healing. In my senior year of college, I had a good friend unexpectedly commit suicide, and it was a traumatizing experience for me. I had never known anyone who had done this before.

It gave me a lot of anxiety because she and I were so similar. We were both perfectionist overachievers, so I began to worry that this could happen to me.

That’s when I found my amazing therapist and learned to deal with my anxiety and triggers. And although I am still healing from this experience, every year I get closer and closer to being whole, but I continue my self-care regimens to ensure that I do get to that healing place someday.

EH: Will you stop practicing self-care when you feel more healed?

CBT:这总是一段旅程，对我来说绝不是目的地。我从来没有觉得自己在“那里”，已经达到了自我保健的缩影 - 我认为这是一件好事。

Devoting time to professional and personal relationships is also a part of self-care for me because I really believe in that Beatles lyric: "I get by with a little help from my friends."

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Building relationships and leaning into them when needed are how I care for myself. And it goes both ways. I build relationships so that I can be that friend for others who need help.

The folks that I encounter professionally, who are involved in the reproductive health, rights, and justice movements, usually work in this space because it is their passion, just like it is my passion. And I find that oftentimes friendships and creating transformative relationships are needed because we need to see each other as people first in order to really get the work done.

EH: You’ve talked about how the work you do is part of self-care for you. How do you not let work get in the way of your needs?

CBT:During the pandemic, people have started talking about “living at work” instead of “bringing work home,” and that’s something I was grappling with pre-pandemic. These are passion projects for me, but they’re also work. And I can’t show up for anyone if I can’t engage in self-care for myself.

So, I have to be really clear with myself about my hours. If I happen to do 10 hours because something is happening in Congress or at the White House, then I ask myself: Where are three hours I can take away from the rest of my week?

Part of it is owning up to my own choices; so time-management is really important. I also try hard to take an actual lunch break and put my email away.

EH: When do you find it difficult to prioritize self-care?

CBT:I struggle with self-care when work gets too busy, or when I have a big project I’m working on.

有了新生儿，学习我的新身体可以治愈，并为自己处理整个怀孕和出生经验，从而使自我保健在某些方面具有挑战性。我觉得处理刚刚发生的事情没有太多对话。